


What do I do?

by aptasi



Category: Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
Genre: Awkward Conversations, F/M, Humor, Implied/Referenced Sex, Relationship Advice, protective warder, warder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:28:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29229237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aptasi/pseuds/aptasi
Summary: "By the way." Lan said dryly. "Your bond masking slipped last night."
Relationships: Moiraine Damodred & Lan Mandragoran, Moiraine Damodred/Thom Merrilin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	What do I do?

**Author's Note:**

> Rating is for sexual discussion as a major theme, including warder perception of sex, a recent sexual experience, an some references to previous bad sex.
> 
> This is probably a soft M or a hard T... I'm having trouble getting a feel for the rating system. It's all referenced but it's a major theme.

Though the night was truly late in the stone of Tear, both Lan and Moiraine remained at work. 

They worked in silence, each looking over their writing. Hours passed like that, in almost comfortable companionship. There was a nostalgia to it though the time was not yet past. 

"By the way." Lan said dryly. "Your bond masking slipped last night." He turned a page and made another annotation.

Moiraine's cheek flushed. "Oh!' she kept writing rather faster than before. "I apologize." 

"Only for a moment but.."

"I see."

"I assume the source of all that sensation was Merrilin?" Lan said coolly. 

"You are correct." She flipped another page

The Warder nodded once. 

Moiraine wrote a few more lines and then elaborated "I thought it would be unpleasant and horrid like nearly every other time I've tried to be with a man and it would ruin my fascination with wondering about it."

Lan's eyebrow moved a fraction of a hair, side to side not up and down. That was a tell

"It was not so bad as that. It was not bad at all." Her lips curled up a little. "What does that mean?" 

Lan snorted. "You like him." 

"I thought I liked that gentleman in Salidar too and being with him was hardly pleasant. Attraction does not seem to translate to experience for me."

"Moiraine that was ten years ago."

"Nevertheless."

Lan made a sound that approached a sigh. There was no tactful way to say this. "Your taste in men is terrible. I've used your attraction for darkfriend screening before."

"That would explain your behavior towards Thom." Moiraine muttered. 

"Most of your men have not been trying to make you feel pleasant. Whatever they said to get you into bed, they've been using you the way they would otherwise use a handkerchief."

Moiraine wrinkled her nose. "How crude."

Lan grunted. 

"And you exaggerate."

"Perhaps." 

'Some of them tried to please me, and I still did not enjoy it all that much. 

Lan shook his head. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

What? Gaidin, I demand you explain." Moiraine crossed her arms. The gesture looked young to Lan and reminded him of just how uncomfortably 20 years ago this conversation was. Moiraine had grown into herself since then, becoming someone to be reckoned with, but if anything two decades with only the king of a dead nation for long term company had made her less adept at feelings. 

All of which served to suggest to Lan that her issue was of a kind with his too. "This happens to me also. You're so stoic. You likely hold your face so still that your partners don't know what you like."

Moiraine stared at him, like he had no way of knowing that, which was not fair.

Lan continued slowly. "But Merillin's your Daes Dae'mar mark. and you're his."

Something visibly connected in Moiraine's face. "He knows my tells."

"Don't gamble against the man. He can evidently play you like that harp of his."

Moiraine frowned at Lan sourly. "You feel very emotional about this."

He supposed he did. Didn't mean he had to like it. "If I feel emotion, Aes Sedai, it is only because I know you do too."

This time it was Moiraine who snorted. 

Lan looked at Moiraine a moment longer and his face relaxed slightly. "Be safe. And I don't just mean that weave Myrelle Sedai taught you. Safe in here." He touched his chest. It was perhaps a mark of his seriousness that bringing up the greens name had not turned his feelings to something dire. That anger would have to wait, until tomorrow perhaps. Not long, but later.

"Ah that." Moiraine mused. "Well that is hardly in such great condition to be a prize for any man."

"I disagree."

Moiraine blinked. 

"If you fall in love with him, Merrilin will be very fortunate. You make sure he earns that."

Moiraine shrugged. 

"You need to value yourself Moiraine."

Into the silence Moiraine said. "Min says I will marry him."

Lan stared at her for a few seconds as close as he ever came to stunned. "I suppose that escapade at least revealed the bedding part of that will be good, unless he changes once you're wed." That phrasing was worse than stunned; it was babbling. 

"I am fortunate there, I suppose."

Lan pulled himself together. "However I always thought that the whole Daes Dae'mar being the enemy of your own husband traditional process was something you didn't want."

"That is in Carhien. I understand Andorians traditionally ally with their spouse."

"You are not allied with him now." Lan declared.

"No."

"You realize if you want to be you'll have to ask him? The man is not going to come propose to you."

She looked at him sternly.

"Propose allyship I mean" Lan growled. Besides, the Damodreds hardly make a habit of allying with their Andorian spouses. Your brother nearly murdered his and was killed himself by the very man you've now bedded no less.

Moiraine flinched, so subtle no one but Lan would be able to see. "Half brother." She corrected dully. Her bond flared with a lot of things that he usually made a point of not calling up because he could not put them back away again. 

"I did not say that to be hurtful, Moiraine."

She nodded. 

"Thom Merrilin's a lucky man, really." Lan gruffly muttered. He didn't want to grant Merrilin much, but that seemed to be a given. 

Moiraine laughed. 

Lan frowned. 

" When you said lucky, I just now had this absurd notion that at least I should be grateful that I am not having all these inconveniently warm feelings for Mat Cauthon. or one of the other boys."

Lan laughed, made a point of laughing. He could tell it was a deflection but such was needed. "There were a couple times I thought you might go for the blacksmith." 

"Well that would have been an even larger complication" Moiraine said "I suppose inconvenient fantasies about ridiculously domestic situations with Thom Merrilin are not the worst thing that could happen to me."

Lan glowered. "Ridiculously domestic?"

Her ears flushed. "I daydream about cooking for him if you must know. And I can barely even cook better than camp food yet I sit wasting my time thinking about making him eggs in the morning because I heard him say to one barmaid that breakfast makes a man feel loved." She paced back and forth along the chamber waving her arms as she spoke. "I wasted intelligence that I could have spent on something important finding out how the man takes his eggs."

Light, she was in love. That was a real problem. "Seems you are mad for him…"

"You see now why I wanted to demystify the man. But it did not work. I am being more of a fool than ever over him. What do I do?"

"Falling out of love on purpose is hardly one of my competencies either."

Some of her energy drained. "Fair enough."

"I suppose my best advice is… go on have fun… but make sure you've set it so the world won't suffer if you get your heart broken."

"That is good advice." Moiraine's voice was dull and the bond full of fear. 

"So.." Lan put his hand on her shoulder. He tried to orient himself. "Uh… buck up. Being in love isn't that bad."

"I suppose but… suppose he does not… suppose he found me too cold. What do I...?" 

"That question is better suited to someone like Berelain."

All the color drained out of Moiraine's face. The bond even telegraphed her blood dropping. "Berelain?" Her musical voice was strained to almost a squeak. 

"Alright, not her in particular, but a woman…" It was inconvenient and not really fair to her that fear of choosing a darkfriend or giving away the plot kept Moiraine from having any friends. What she needed right now was to be the center of a circle of tea and gossip and that was not this particular warder's strength. Lan sighed. The wheel gave whatever it chose to give and good people made do. 

Moiraine still felt very uncomfortable in the bond. She was never going to concentrate like that. Apparently they were having this conversation. "Well who started it?"

"What do you mean by started?"

"Who kissed the other first?"

"He did."

"What did you do right before that?"

"I said 'your move'". 

Lan laughed. Moiraine looked worried. "At least he knows who he's seducing. Did he say he liked it?"

"He did, but he is not under oath."

"Did he leave right away or stay for a while?"

"He stayed until I had to go to a meeting." Her face fought her control for a smile. "He stroked my hair. It was nice."

"Did he ask to see you again?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"Make a specific time and place?

"Yes.'

"Then keep the appointment and in the meantime work on these eyes and ears reports."

"Yes, of course. I apologize. I do not know where my head is it seems."

They worked for some time in companionable silence again. Lan started to relax as Moiraine's mind focused. And then… "It seems Merrilin knows about our information stream from the kitchens."

"And why is… oh!"

Lan held up the card, with a blue flower on it. "He sent you something."

Moiraine snatched it up "But this flower must be local. I do not know its symbolism."

"Tarian Vinca." Lan said. "Stands for independence, intelligence, affection, eternity, and hope at the start of a new endeavor."

Moiraine gave him a pointed look.

"I've been ill-advisedly courting in Tear recently too."

"I see."

"Clearly, he means to follow up. Now, can you put these worries aside and get some work done or would you prefer I handle these all myself?"

"I will concentrate"

"Thank you."

They managed to get through an entire page before Moiraine spoke again.

"The bond will be masked tomorrow after the evening meal, if you want to visit…"

"Noted." 

This was going to be an exasperating night. 

"Just make sure you tell me where you're going and when you expect to be back."

"He is not going to kidnap me."

"If he so much as thinks about anything within leagues of that I'll..."

"I am sure you will."


End file.
